hi i'm in a funk
i haven't been updating my blog as much lately. i mean once a week is great, but i strived for twice a week back when i first started. i just haven't been inspired or excited. about anything. for a long time. or at least it has felt like a long time. my life seems to happen in seasons, & spring (april-june) was tough. i was oscillating back & forth btwn anxiety for the future & detachment to the present. i wrote off my frustrations as "first-world problems" & "typical twenty-something problems" but that didn't help alleviate my mental space either. for a while i tried to fight & force myself out of this funk until i finally let myself just "ride it out".
i stopped forcing myself to create looks when i had no creative energy. i narrowed down my social medias to just one. i quit planning for the most productive days & weeks possible. i started planning my visit to new york next month (eek! tbh nyc is my real home) & researching a trip to japan for next year. i've been running 3-4 miles again. i rearranged my room. i watched the new OITNB in less than a week. i experimented with my make-up (well, i always do dat lol). i treated myself. i treated myself again. i bought myself a new vibrator L O L. i took up smoking again :/ i talked to my friends. i talked to my mom.
after giving myself a break, i'm starting to feel better! after every wave of anxiety i see peace, happiness, & RHElief on the horizon (WHAT A CRINGY METAPHOR LOL just bc i have a blog doesn't mean i'm a gr8 writer ok lol). i love summer & i RhEFUSE to feel like this during july because it is my birthday month!!! so i'm kind of trying to fight my way through this last stretch of ~the funk~
anyway, i chose this #tbt #ootd to accompany this post because this look was the verrrryyy first one i took all by myself with my phone & tripod about a year ago. i had finally quit a job i hated & was about travel alone for the first time to LA for my bday & i was sooo ECSTATIC that i had finally found a way to share my looks with myself/the internet/the world without anyone's help. i was scared yet happy. i wanna feel like dat again!!!
this definitely hasn't been the first time i was in a funk. all of my previous funks have always been followed by an abundance of inspiration, creativity, gratitude, & just overall joy. "rainbow after the rain" or whatever. i'm v excited to see what the end of this funk will bring me 🌻.